Take Charge of Your Emotions Dec 7th, Session Summary

Thank you all for your participation last week, your discussion enlivened the evening. We are not the only ones with difficult emotions :) that need to be processed.Last week we discussed the relationship between thoughts, feelings and behaviors . We connected it with the Bhagavad Gita verses 2.62 and 2.63 linked for your reference.


This week on Dec 7th we will discuss:
-  How we are trained to suppress emotions and numb ourselves in difficult situations
- The detrimental effects of suppressing our emotions to our health and to our future behaviors.
-  We will do exercises on learning how to connect with our feelings

By connecting with your feelings, you activate your buddhi (intelligence), to process your feelings. Without confronting your feelings, the buddhi, also known as the fire of mental digestion, cannot digest those feelings and we remain victims of our own feelings. Be open to learning what your feelings are telling you.

You can view Last Week's presentation at this link.

On Motherhood- an excerpt from a Book

We came across a nice passage about motherhood from the book Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power by Dr. Terri Apter


Relationship with the mother and how it influences other relationships over a lifetime.

• The way we see and value ourselves is influenced by her view of us. How we behave others to behave towards us is in part a function of early interactions with our closest family members
• Recent findings in brain science have deepened our understanding of a mother's pervasive influence. Our relationship with her becomes a model for all intimate relationships. It shapes the circuits of our infant brain- circuits that are used to understand and manage our own emotions and to read other people's thoughts and feelings. 
• In all observed cultures, in all recorded times, human infants engage intimately with the person who cares for them, and in all recorded times, in all observed cultures, the parents who introduces an infant to the interpersonal world of love and dependence is the a mother. A mother and baby lock together in a mutual gaze , each looking back to the other.This early prolonged eye contact is so important to the growing human brain that evolution has left nothing to chance. A brain stem reflex ensures that the baby turns to look at the mother's face.
  
• Until recently , so-called experts on babies advised parents that babies could not really see a mother and that babies had no concept of what a person was for many months or even years after their first all- absorbing introduction to their mother, but new findings show something very different. The areas of the brain that adults use to recognize and respond to faces are active from birth. from the moment a baby looks into his mother's face, he sees a person.He sees someone who expresses feelings and whose expressions show responses to him. This interaction triggers high levels of hormones that flood the infant with pleasure. These endogenous opiates are a healthy version of external opiates like heroin- that block pain and produce pleasure.They reward the infant as he engages in the primary lessons of vital interpersonal relationships. sight is not the only trigger for these pleasure inducing chemicals. Newborns orient their heads to the sound of their mother's voice, and they rapidly learn to recognize and follow its tone and rhythm.
• They stare longer at an image if it smells like their mother. The instinct a mother has to hold her baby on her left side(which is wired to the right side of the brain) facilitates right hemisphere to right hemisphere communication, the part of the brain that specializes in the emotional self. As she cradles the baby on her left side, she communicates with the infants right brain and the infant's behavior stimulates the mother's right brain.
• Even negative emotions of fear can positively stimulate a baby's growth, when the fight or flight system is activated, the rate of breathing increases, along with the heart rate and blood pressure, but as a mother soothes a troubled infant,he feels the ebb of negative emotions and has his first lessons in the crucial task of regulating his own emotions
• Mother's brain also undergoes changes- it is stimulated to
  
  new growth and learning as she engages with her infant. In response to infant's cries and laughter, the parent's brain activity reveals a special pattern. In addition, the complex brain structures that control our emotions the limbic system undergo structural changes as we engage in parenting behavior. These changes increase a mother's ability to pick up cues from the infant.
• As a mother and baby interact , each gets smarter. Each is engrossed by the sights and sounds and movements of the other, each is hunry to learn the other's language. Their mutual focus is so intricately coordinated that is has been defined as an elaborately flowing dance wherein the participating partners get to know themselves through each other. Human psychology as we know it begins in this primary relationship. A passionate and absorbing bond with his or her primary caregiver, who is almost always the mother, is the infant's first experience of loving and being one person in a loving pair.

What happens if a mother does not respond?
If the mother's face becomes frozen the baby becomes distressed. The baby seems outraged that his signals are ignored. It is not easy to soothe a baby who has experienced this interruption in the relational conversation.

Reference Point of Love

• These early interactions form a reference point for what each of us seeks in people we love, to be seen and understood. Children form many relationships with other relatives and with friends that impact on their lives, but the emotional signaling between infant and a mother forms the core sense of being a person with feelings who can communicate feelings to others
• A key experience of having a difficult mother , whether we are three months old or thirty years old, is of the negative of that positive eye to eye engagement. With a difficult mother , our efforts to shape our mother's view are constantly frustrated. we feel ignored, erased, annihilated. We doubt who we are and what we feel. Perhaps our signals are interpreted as bad or mean or selfish. We then inhabit a world of shame in which being known entails criticism and derision.
• Children work hard to make sense of their interpersonal experiences.
  
  "Who is reliable?" and "who offers me warmth and comfort and feeding?" and "whose touch and smell are associated with these?" are questions intrinsically related their survival. As the rudimentary sense of self and other person becomes more sophisticated, so do questions about their meanings:"what does that behavior indicate about me?" and "Does the person I am trying to communicate with understand me?" and "Do my feelings resonate with others?" and "Am I really communicating?"
• We continue to be particularly vulnerable to a mother's responses, even as we develop very different bonds with other people who see and discover us in different ways. for most parents and their children, the experience of belonging to each other has its ups and downs, but whatever the trip ups and scrapes along the way, the relationship is largely comforting, supportive and expansive.
• But what does it feel like to suffer more pain in a relationship than comfort and pleasure? what if those profound experiences of connection and embeddedness are so uncomfortable that, in reaching out for comfort and security, we are restricted and punished? what if we have to distrust ourselves or discount our own wishes or constantly police our thoughts and actions to gain comfort from the person we depend upon? when this dilemma shapes a son's or daughter's experience of a mother, I use the shorthand of a difficult mother to refer to a relationship that has many parts and many contexts and perspective.

Does it mean Vedic culture considers all men to be intelligent?

We read in the post an understanding of why there is an apparent contradiction in the scriptures about a woman's intelligence . Depending upon how a woman is situated she maybe a shelter of maternity or a shelter of sexuality in the human society.

Now does this mean that only women can succumb to the lower nature due to bodily identification and that all men are free from bodily identification? And that all men are intelligent?

Seeing through the lens of the Vedic Definition of intelligence that we discussed earlier anyone who is not able to discriminate between matter and spirit is considered of low intelligence.

Even if men in general have a better ability at rational thought- but if

they are inclined towards a material conception of life versus a spiritual one- then that is not the sign of an intelligent person.

The environment in Kali Yuga is full of various distractions- whether the soul is in the man's body or the woman's body one must remain very vigilant and work hard to progress in their spiritual life.
Examples of Bharat Maharaja and Ajamila are there in the Srimad Bhagavatam to show how a moment of inattention and also staying away from the association of devotees can throw one off the path of devotional service.

Since the dharmic principles that kept society in check have been lost- there is a dearth of examples of model behaviors of men and women around us. This calls for proper training of Boys and Girls and men and woman.

CTW: Vedic Perspective on Gender Differences

Having understood in the previous sessions about gender differences at the physical and psychological level, we will attempt to understand through the philosophical world of the Vedas and the cultural world that is based upon it .At the end of this session we will be able to appreciate how the difference in the psycho-physical natures of men and women is thoroughly understood and acknowledged in the Vedic Culture. We will go through the following topics:

• What is the Vedic definition of intelligence?
• Purusha and Prakriti and its Imitation in the Material world
• Different egos, different bodies, different psychophysical natures- strengths and weaknesses
• The Breakdown of Dharma and how it impacts women
• A Woman's Spiritual Nature 

Taking into account the differences- the society is designed to engage men and women in their areas of strength in a manner in which they can complement each other.

• Varnashrama - the culture of protection and inclusion for the growth of spiritual consciousness

Also, many times we have read in the Bhagavatam and Bhagavad Gita that "Women are less intelligent" at the same time we read several examples right from the Bhagavatam about how a "Good wife means Good intelligence" and she increases the family's engagement in devotional service.Understanding the points above will also help us reconcile these opposites.

CTW: Appreciating Gender Differences: Social Behavior and Abilities

• Verbal Abilities
• Women show higher performance levels on tests of verbal fluency. This may be because the female auditory cortex is more dense than that of the male. This difference and other sensory differences like it could be because of the sex hormones that impact the fetal brain during development
• Mathematical attitudes and effects
• Small difference , also could be due to difference on how the teachers percieve a boy vs a girl. Parents were, and sometimes still are, more likely to consider a son's mathematical achievement as being a natural skill while a daughter's mathematical achievement is more likely to be seen as something she studied hard for. This difference in attitude may contribute to girls and women being discouraged from further involvement in mathematics-related subjects and careers(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_differences_in_human_psychology)
• Influenceability and Conformity(Peer Pressure)
• Woman conform more and may thus be more prone to peer pressure
• Aggression
• Males across race, culture, country , age
• Small Group Behavior
• Tasks that require task orineted behavior men performed better. Tasks that require social behavior for good performance women perform better. A women's interactive style helped increase group productivity. Men generated more solutions in same sex groups when working individually. General cultural sex roles are manifested in task group interaction as well- women were more socio emotional in their interaction whereas men where more engaged in active task behavior
• Leadership Behavior
• Women lead in a more democratic way and men do in a more autocratic way
• Non verbal communication
• Women more accurately interpret nonverbal, communication. In sum, based on a literature of hundreds of studies, it appears that women occupy a more nonverbally conscious, positive, and interpersonally engaged world than men do. women make greater effort to increase interpersonal comfort
• Empathy
• 
• Understanding and tracking relationships and reading others' emotional states was particularly important for women for tasks such as caring for children and social networking.Women perform better than men in tests involving emotional interpretation, such as understanding facial expressions, and empathy.
• Inter species empathy
• An international survey of 12 Eurasian nations (n>4000) was conducted between 2007 to 2008. The initiator and principle investigator of the survey, Dr Jenia Meng, found that females on average have a higher level of empathy with nonhuman animals than males. 

References:
Psychology of women: A Handbook of Issues and Theories
The Psychology of Women- Helene Deutsch
Sex Differences in Human Psychology
Sex Differences in Human Physiology
Emotions during Menstrual Cycle- womenshealth.about.com
Emotions during Menstrual Cycle- Dr Christina Hebbert

CTW: Appreciating Gender Differences

Today we will go through various studies to understand and appreciate Gender Differences between men and women. Our Creator - Lord Sri Krishna is Supremely wonderful. Understanding Gender differences is a great way to appreciate His creation and the thought behind it as well.

Men and Women have been created differently right from their physiology, to how they process information, to how they experience and express emotions all perfectly created to suit the role of being a man for men and for being a woman for women.

We will go through the data present in these links below:

CTW: Appreciating Gender Differences: Physiology

CTW: Appreciating Gender Differences: Social Behavior and Abilities

CTW: Appreciating Gender Differences: Emotions

CTW: Appreciating Gender Differences: Strengths and Weaknesses for men and women

We will also discuss how this difference in physiology affects decision making - we will see this from examples in shastra of Sita Devi, Sati and some other examples.

Celebrating True Womanhood- starting Thursday Oct 17th over Conf/SKYPE 11:30am to 12:30pm

What it is to be a woman was not something we learned in a formal setting. It was something we picked up from observing our mothers, aunts and other ladies who touched our lives. They had picked their lessons from their mothers and aunts. In course of time the treasure of true womanhood has fast vaporized as the culture of all societies is changing from spiritual to material. Certain feminine virtues that were upheld even as close to a decade ago are now considered backward, orthodox and archaic. It can be very confusing to be a spiritual woman in these times as the spiritual and material cultures are diametrically opposite for they are based on opposite ideals. 

It is with great pleasure we invite all women to transforming discussions on the topic "Celebrating True Womanhood" . We will discuss over 9 to 10 sessions every thursday 11:30am to 12:30pm:

*The Nature of a Woman
*Appreciating Gender Differences
*The Vedic Society -Spiritual Culture- The Goal
*The Vedic Society -The Four Social Orders and the Four Social Classes
*The Vedic Society - The purpose of Marriage
*Women as Worshipable Mothers
*Other Aspects of a Woman's Role
*Understanding what other religions have to say about womanhood
*Functioning in Kali Yuga as a woman in the Bhakti tradition - bridging the gap between sastra and reality
*The gap between my consciousness and the consciousness of true womanhood
*Raising our boys and girls

It is important that we reconnect with the spiritual culture explained by the Gurus and acaryas, through the Bhagavad Gita As it Is and Srimad Bhagavatam. When we understand the goal and values of such a culture and how each person's individuality was properly engaged so that they could advance spiritually, we will come to appreciate a woman's role in the spiritual sense.

Each one of you is important to your family and society. Please join us, to deepen our understanding of the importance our role as a woman and Celebrate True Womanhood!!!

Please register here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1FF6Sz-d90hciRSXCeyPFDpXVcjv3gKA2D2Hbjigp_BY/viewform

Conf call details:
Dial-in Number: 1-213-342-3000 (West Coast)
Organizer Access Code: *2094581 (you must include the leading star key)
Participant Access Code 8016560

Skype Details:
Call me on navkishori.rns - I will add you.

The other Gopis want to know what it is about Smt Radharani that makes her so dear to Krishna

Sakhi Sanga Weekly Meetings

Vedic University Presents

SakhiSanga

Weekly ladies mid-day meetings:

- 9 session Discover Yourself course

- fun games - self care

- yoga - henna

- kirtans, devotional arts and lots of warmth!

 

Monday mid-day sessions , January 28th, Timings: 11:00am to 12:30pm
Venue:Bellevue@Foothill Commons
Note slight change in Venue:

852 136th Ave NE Apt 5-101
Bellevue, WA -98005
from the leasing office go west towards the dead end of the complex and you will see BLDG 5 around the corner

13702 ne 9th place Apt 11307,Bellevue WA 98075

Let us know if you need free child care.

Questions? info@vedicuniversity.net ,Follow us on : sakhisanga.blogspot.com
Ekta Gupta: 425 947 5724(H),425 753 3656(C)
Navakishori dd: 425 996 7079(H),425 894 2140(C)