Manu Samhita: Women Duties, Sensuality and Sexuality

SENSUALITY AND SEXUALITY

(Discussing the duties of women according to Manu Samhita) Here it says, be chaste, self-controlled, means she behaves herself. But it doesn't say sense-controlled. It says self-controlled. Does that make sense? Means, women use their senses much more, for them sensuality is just part of the experience, part of the dealings. You know, the fine clothes, fine food, fine smells, fine these things, just the fineness of this is sensual. But it's all part of the scene, it's the environment.

But put the man in that environment, and then it becomes sensual that's outside of that, it brings him down. Does that make some sense? Because when you move in the intellect, then if you switch it to the senses, which are connected, but then the intelligence doesn't function so well. But for the women, the intelligence, the emotions, the senses can all function at the same time, so it's a different thing. That's why it says "self-controlled", not "sense-controlled". Means, the senses are engaged, that's not the problem. But it has to be self-controlled, that it's proper and the senses are engaged how they should be engaged. But the man should be sense-controlled in that he is trying to keep the senses in control and not get too involved in the sensuality of women. Because their field is sensual. He shouldn't get too involved. Only how much he needs to get involved, what is his duties to get involved, what are the proper relationships and that, get involved. Otherwise, more than that then it will bring him to another platform.

Mataji: Maharaja, I wanted to ask about the thing of sensuality of women, such as nice clothes, nice perfumes, and you were commenting how the man has to be sense controlled. So it seems contradictory...

HH BVPS Maharaja: Well, depends, if If he is sense controlled. That's why the woman connects herself to someone who is sense-controlled. Because otherwise, if you really think about it, when men start to get sensual, the women kind of find it strange. Means, there is something wrong about it, because there it comes into an element of control that is not wanted, or an element of enjoying that is not wanted. While for the woman, it's just her field. She just moves in these things naturally. So then a man who comes into that scene, he has to be sense-controlled to be able to function in that naturally and not be distracted by it. So that's why then the whole principle is that this training must be there for both. So that the woman is moving in the realm of sensuality that is proper, she herself has also be able to tell the difference between sensuality and sexuality.
Generally women, technically you can take it that it's all just sensuality, even sexuality. But there comes a point where it's obvious that there is, within sensuality, a distinction. The tendency is, men will take the whole scene of sensuality to be sexuality. So knowing this then the woman knows how much is within the realm of refined sensuality and how much actually goes into the realm of sexuality. And if she knows that, then things will work properly, so that requires training. She has to know what to do, what movements, what energies, all these things. She doesn't know that, then, one is, she doesn't know herself, and two, she will have trouble being with others, because she will constantly be getting all kinds of attention and this and that she doesn't want. Because she doesn't know that she is putting out the energies to attract it.
Means, this idea that women walk around half-dressed and that's their right, and what's the man's business, why they should get bent out of shape? But they don't understand how the modes of nature work. Does that make some sense? So that's the thing that it's there, it's available, so then man is a controller, so therefore he wants to control that and enjoy it. And so, since they are dealing with the rougher ends of, basically, sexuality, then the men also are not dealing in a refined way. It's also rough, and then the women think, hey, what's this? And those women who are careful about it and it's controlled, then the men that they move with are also controlled. So that's the point, it's rasa. As one person does, it attracts the other. So if one works on a refined level, it will attract refined people, if one works on a gross level, it will attract gross people.
So then one has to see that, one is, the person that you are dealing with, what is the level of their sense control and know what takes things too far, too less. Like you are saying, nicely perfumed. If that nicely perfumed is just the man either doesn't notice, and so you like the smell and your friends think it's great, then doesn't matter. If they have some tendency, that nature that they can appreciate fine smells, they will appreciate it. But if it creates sensuality in the man, then one has to try to find a balance. Or if you find, ok, it's fine for your man, but it also attracts a whole bunch of other men, then one might put on a little less, you don't have to be smelled from 20 feet.
So one has to find what works, you have to know what you are getting into. And you have to know what you want from it. So then deciding that then you decide how are you gonna dress, how are you gonna act, all these different things. You know what I am saying? If you are sitting and you are talking, because you are relaxed and you feel comfortable with them, and because of that you are not watching your cloth and because of that your chest is hanging out, and because of that you see he is getting agitated and you don't want that, then you cover your chest. Does that make some sense? So you see these kind of things. If it doesn't then don't worry about it. If they are so simple that they don't mind and others, it doesn't matter.
Like you go to the villages, like you see in Rajasthan, the villagers in Rajasthan, like that. The head has to be covered, but the choli can be completely hanging out, and those cholis they wear are like.. they have three forms. It's either cut down, so you see the top, means you will never see the nipples, that's always the rule, that is the point of freak-out. So it will be down to there or it will be cut out in the middle, means it will be a full top, full bottom, but cut in the middle, so that you will see the middle portion, or they will be cut from the bottom, where you see the bottom pad, like that, and that's what those gypsy women, all of them, wear. But their head is covered, and if they didn't have their head covered, they'd be called improperly dressed. So it's just the nature there, so they don't care. Or you have some of them where they are so simple, they just don't dress that nicely, and the men don't dress that nicely, so it doesn't matter, because neither one notices the other, they are too unrefined to notice it, so those kind-of things don't create any problem for them.
So you have to see what you are dealing with. You have to see what is the particular nature of the man you are involved with and see that it's being kept in line, because the actual thing is, it's controlled by the women. Does that make some sense? Means, there is no question of a man getting his hands on a woman, unless the woman allows. She doesn't allow, it's called rape. But if he does get and it's not called rape, that means she allowed. That's just the way it works. Because the words used by Manu, it's not in this section, it would be in the section on adultery, it just says, "Women will give themselves to the poor and the ugly." Because it doesn't matter, just the bottom line is, he is a man, he has got proper appendages, so therefore that's enough. That's the bottom line, if the woman is falling out of her level of training. But if she is sticking within it, then she will be considered following all the religious principles and this and that. But if she falls from that... So it doesn't matter. This idea it has to be... Manu says, she will leave a handsome husband who is taking care of her, plenty of wealth, all facilities for someone else who is not very good looking, just because he allows. Because one may not be very careful about that. So that's the whole point, women are trained, so then it comes to the conscious point that that won't happen. Then women are guarded. The women's determination that they are going to be protected is their protection. Means, the woman's determination that she will be protected is her main protection. That woman, a man can protect. But a woman who is not interested in being protected, no one can protect her. So that aspect is very, very important.
So it means, use your intelligence, just look at who you are dealing with, and then figure out what makes it work on a proper emotional, religious, spiritual progressive way. And those things that you see don't get the right things, adjust them. Does that make some sense? So that's what you look for. Because the point is is, the wife, it's mentioned in the Bhagavatam, is the fortress for the husband's senses. So she keeps his senses protected by herself dealing properly, so they don't get agitated and by these other forms.
Means, women aren't that happy with just sensual dealings, it has to be emotional dealings, it has to be something that stimulates their intelligence, it's a whole package that has to be there. So you have to see that that is being dealt with. It can't just function on the sensual platform. So many times in the modern women will use that as the bait, as the lure to pull in the man, but then they have only pulled in a man who can address her sensuality, not her emotional platform or her intellectual platform. So that's why in the Vedas they don't recommend this, because it never gives a good result. How can it? If you have somebody who is only addressing one third of your needs, what are you gonna do about the other two thirds? It just won't function. Does that make some sense?
So that's the principle, therefore then one has to be careful how they are mixed. Does that makes some sense? So use your brain, that's also part of the whole thing, using your intelligence seeing that the emotional interactions are going on nicely. And then it's there, so you have to watch that, just don't let just the modes to take care of it, you should be controlling it, that's their point on self-control.
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Grihastha shouldn't sleep in the same bad with his wife, he shouldn't see her undressed, he shouldn't see her put on kajal, these things, he is living there and he might directly see them on a daily basis if he doesn't know about it. But for everybody else, then they know to avoid those things, because then the women put out extra energy at that time, and that's what attracts them.
Means, the woman herself, means, one cannot say that a bag of mucus, bile and air is attractive, even though it might have all the mucus, bile and air in all the right places. But it's still unattractive, it's the energy of the soul and that energy of the soul interacting with the surrounding that then makes it attractive. Does that make sense? Otherwise it's not, it's dead matter, so the point is is during certain times women emit more energy and that might create attraction. Like when they dress then they are very into how they look and that, so they'll be very projecting the energy into their clothes and in their eyes and everything like that, when they are putting things on like anjanas on the body they will do that, because it's projected into the skin, the experience. Does this make sense?
For women, experience is the thing, what it's like, what it smells, what it tastes like, the whole atmosphere, the mood, like that. Men is more like what's getting done, how is it getting done, what will be the result of doing it. But for women, those are secondary, for them it's the experience that's the main, while for men the experience is secondary. Means, they want a good experience, but if he can do a bad job and some experience or a good job and maybe less experience, they tend towards the good job, because of the feeling of accomplishment, well done, you applied your knowledge, you worked it out, you know how to run it, you know how to control it, so therefore it's more of control. While for women it's more of attachment. But every jiva is in the material world with the purusha-bhava of I am the controller and I am they enjoyer. Just it's more prominent control in the man is the sense of "I", and for women it's more "mine". Does that make some sense?
For the man it's like, "I am, this is my house, there is I and this is a manifestation of my I-ness." But the woman, it's mine and then from that it's my prestige, her sense of "I". Do you understand? The approach is different, in other words, the man goes from "I" to "mine", the woman goes from "mine" to "I". Does that make sense? So the field is the same, so that's why there is the compatibility even though men and women basically on every point are opposites. But because the field is the same, the desires are the same, but the approach to them on which is prominent, which is primary and secondary, that's different. Does that makes some sense? So that's why then it appears that there should be a nice cooperation but there is not, because they are different species. So unless one knows the science then one can't match them. Does that make sense? So that's why then all these rules are here.
Brahmachari also has to be careful not to bump into the women when they are dressing or doing all these things, or unclothed, but it's not like a daily occurrence for him. It may happen now and again and he just knows that this is something to avoid, but the grihastha, this could be a daily occurrence, if you live in the same room with a woman and it's a natural thing that you take a bath and you dress and undress and this, there is every chance you'll see. So therefore if it's known that this is not to be done, the woman will be more careful and the man will be more careful. The men will keep themselves busy, so they are not looking, and the women will keep themselves in some way, either somewhere else or if you only have one room, they will be more careful, they'll turn around, you know what I am saying? Does that make sense? So means, in other words, there is that carefulness.
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(From Lectures on Manu Samhita, 15-23 January 2004, Bhaktivedanta Academy, Sri Mayapur Dhama)
(by courtesy of Madhavi Lata Devi Dasi)

Discussion on Bilvamangal Thakura's renunciation

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Discussion on Bilvamangala Thakura's renunciation
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Prabhu: I want to ask a question about guests that was asked of me before. The story of Bilvamangala Thakura, Bilvamangala follows that brahmani to her house and then her husband receives him as guest and he, as an atithi, he is worshipped as good as God and then he says, "I want your wife." And the brahmana calls his wife, and because it's his instruction, she agrees. Can you explain that?
HH BVPS Maharaja: The person who asked you the question, what's his purpose?
Prabhu: He wanted to understand, he was a respected member of the GBC.
HH BVPS Maharaja: But I mean what would be the angle on it?
Prabhu: The reason was, people ask him, so that's why he was interested, well, how...
HH BVPS Maharaja: No, but I am saying.. Because there is many angles you can look at it from. I mean, the general principle is that the guest then is taken care of and all their desires are fulfilled. So taking that principle, you could look at it in that way. But the point is is, atithi is a very specific definition, that it's a qualified brahmana who comes unasked and stays one night. That's atithi. All you're obliged to is one night, though if a host keeps an atithi for 3 nights, then each night his benefits increase. But he is only obliged really to take care of him one night. That's an atithi. So just anybody that just rolls in is not an atithi. They may be kind of dealt with in that category, but they are like a subcategory.
So therefore here, Bilvamangala is a very qualified brahmana. Now, one may say, well he is attached to prostitute, this that, this that. But the point is is there is more beyond morality that creates the individual. Because in the material world you are dealing with the senses, you are dealing with many things, and it says that even a person of great intelligence can be distracted if the sense goes in that direction. So that element is there, you have to see what is their knowledge, what can they do, what is their actual consistent practice, like that.
So you can see, he was quite a qualified person. Then, he has come, and then you have that element of taking care of the guest, so it stays within there. And the detail then happens to be his wife. Then, you look at it from the wife's side, whatever it is the husband says then if she follows, she gets no reaction, he gets the reaction, so for the wife, because it's there then it's duty, so if she is fulfilling the husband's wish, so therefore she retains her chastity. Now, whether there will be a reaction for that on the husband's part, that's another question. Whether that would be considered an appropriate and an important thing for offering to the guest or not. But it must have been a situation where they felt it was appropriate. Because if it was someone else, they might have said no.
So there is many many angles to analyze, that's why I was asking what's their purpose that they are asking? What is the doubt that came up? What is the angle that it's looked from?
Prabhu: I feel that I have the answer as you speak. Is that the proper response in the Vedic culture that someone who comes as atithi that you are ready to offer them anything including your own wife?
HH BVPS Maharaja: Basically the principle is there, but it wouldn't come up. We only hear of this one example of it. So therefore it must have been seen that the person, the qualification and everything about it was something that the host didn't mind. You know, you hear things like this about giving up their all wealth, their this or that, so many other things you hear of, so this is the only one where you hear of this, I don't know of any other story where this was there. I mean, there was that one disciple of Ramanuja and a local vaishya, but that was asking, and they would ignore him, because they had no obligation. But in this case there must have been a consideration in seeing the situation that they decided like that, because you are dealing here with a brahmana also who knows the scriptures and him looking at the situation, who he is dealing with, what's the mood and all that. The nature of his wife and so many different things. And he must have felt confident that nothing would go wrong in that. If he felt that it would make the wife unchaste or this or that, then I'm sure that he would have discussed it in a slightly different way.
So it's just there in the story, it's a side element, it's not something there to gain from, this is what devotees have added to their life. When you talk about hosting then kings like Sibi and Rantideva, these are the examples of the extent that someone is going to go to for pleasing the guest, like that, or someone who has come there with a desire. These are more, that's not taking..
There what's pointed out, the thread of that story is the Bilvamangala Thakura's, just his progress and his spiritual development and his focus on attainig the Supreme, that he had focus. But it was misdirected. And you only get that focus from proper training, you don't have that focus without some kind of background and some good karma. But then by the grace of the prostitute, it changed. In other words, by the Dharma-shastra, it says, good advice can be taken from anyone. So even from a prostitute he can take good advice.
So she said, "If you had that focus..." Because she has men coming to her all the time, and they are just sensually attracted, attached, and so therefore they come to the prostitute to fulfill that need. But they don't have any specific focus on her, it's just... it's business, you know. So someone who has such focus that they have so much attachment for her, and for the prostitute it's business, so it's like why would you be so attached? You are too focused, you have too much determination, it's over the... Just like it mentioned here, you bring your dress, speech and thoughts in line, in consistency. She says, "What I am and the reason people come to me, what you are doing is inconsistent with that. You have, how you are behaving and focusing is consistent with a sadhu who is focused on the Supreme Lord, they would do anything to get their sadhya." So she was saying, "Therefore you should now take your focus, your dharana and put the Lord there as your meditation rather than me." And so then, because he is intelligent, just because she said that, it created such a revolution in his heart, means he is a very qualified person. Otherwise, someone else would say," Aaah, no, you are just so nice, so beautiful..." and then, ok, doesn't matter, they are getting their money, so what do they care, the guy is so stupid, it's a waste of time, but, you know, she is not gonna complain. But he moved on. So she doesn't feel, "Oh, I lost a customer." She feels that this person is now rightly situated.
And so then from that there is still that slight little attraction in the heart, because he may have given up this particular prostitute, focused on the Lord, but the principle of womenhood still has some attraction for him. So then by this then we see that it's there and then because the opportunity is given, this is another point that's there. They could have also possibly seen that his purity was such that he had the desire, but he didn't actually have that conviction. So by offering it would go away. That is also a way of doing it. Because sometimes by offering it will go away.
You ever heard of the way how Sivananda became a brahmachari? That was the arrangement of his sister-in-law.
Prabhu: Prabhupada's Sivananda? Who? What Sivananda?
HH BVPS Maharaja: I think he is in Rishikesh, one of the big..
Prabhu: Oh, the famous yogi?
HH BVPS Maharaja: Yeah, that one. Because he is very intelligent, you know. As a kid, when he was 16, he had attachment for a prostitute, he would always go see her. And because they need money, so then he started stealing from the house, because he was living.. I guess, the father was gone, so the older brother was then taking care, he was head of the family and was raising him, so then his older brother was married, so to his wife then he was like son. So he used to steal her ornaments. So one day she caught him and says," What is this for?" And he explained, because I guess there was a really good relationship, very close, so he just revealed that there is this prostitute, he is so attached to her, he has to give her money and this and that. And she said, "Ok, I'll give you this under one condition." He says, "What's that?" "It's that you give it to her in a special way that I'll describe to you." And he said, "Ok." She says, "You go to the prostitute's house and you tell her that you brought her a very nice gift, very nice, expensive jewelry, but in a well-lit room that she is supposed to stand there naked and she has to bend down and put her hands between her legs and you have to hand that to her." Like that. So then he agreed. And when he did that, then he could see exactly what he was... [Laughter] ..the object of his attachment. And it freaked him so badly that he just freaked and walked out of the house and went to the forest and from that time he was sannyasi. Like that. So that the sister-in-law did, she just knew that... She was trying to explain to him, "Women aren't so wonderful, why are you so attached, why you are ruining your life like this? They are not worth it. Religiously dealiing... but this is extreme, they are not worth it." But he couldn't understand, so, ok, you really wanna understand what women are, ok, do this. [Laughter]. So then he understood, it's just too much.
So sometimes that technique can work. So that also you don't know because that's not the main point, so you also don't know what are all the considerations of that brahmana. He could have understood, "If I say yes, it maybe such a.. because the person doesn't expect it, it's just out of lust he says, he asks." But as soon as you agree, like that.. Just if we are into these wild out-of the-ordinary stories, the story I 've heard that there was at the time of Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura. One of the sannyasis had gotten distracted by sexual attraction. But he was a main preacher. And it was brought up to Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura. And he said, "Just get him a prostitute, let him do his business and then go out there and preach, why he should stop his preaching?" So when the devotee heard that, then it just shocked him and woke him up and then he gave up all interest in this way.
Prabhu: It also worked with Bilvamangala Thakura, because he became so changed that he poked out his eyes.
HH BVPS Maharaja: Yeah, yeah. So that's the point, is that there is also that element is that they know what they are doing. It didn't say what the qualification of the other brahmana was, how expert he was, or the wife, you know.
Or you have that Alvar, I don't remember which. He was living in a hut in the outskirts of the town in a garden. Well, he was living in this garden and he had written so many prayers and he was famous. And he was so detached, not interested at all in sense gratification that he was out picking flowers in his garden, and because he had such a nice garden, then this most famous woman in the town.. what was it, Sri Rangam? ..of all the prostitutes, then she used to come and sit in his garden, because it was such a nice garden, just sit and peacefully away from the hubbub all these crazy suitors and all this kind-of things. So then she is there, and he is out picking flowers, and he is picking, and she is sitting right there in the bushes of flowers. And he is going, "This is a nice flower, this is this flower, this is that flower." And he gets to her face and he goes, "This is not a flower." And then he just went to the next, "This is a flower.." Like this. [Laugther] And she went, "What do you mean this is not a flower? This is the best flower in the town, kid." [Laughter] Like that. So she thought, "Ok, I'll get this guy, we'll see who is not interested."
Prabhu: In 3 days.
HH BVPS Maharaja: Yeah, in 3 days. So she went one day, it was raining, heavy raining. So she went out dressed in a thin, scanty piece of cloth, most likely white, that's always the popular one, and it's raining outside, and she sat in the garden and she was singing his songs. So he looked, who is singing the songs out there in the rain? So he sees this girl drenched, sitting in the rain, he called in, "Come, come, sit in the veranda." All this. So then she came and sat there and that, and he is not attracted. And then she started dealing, "What are you doing? Oh, your songs are so nice, I just want to be around and be close and render some service." But while she is doing this, she is doing all the movements and mudras and everything for attraction, she knows what to do, like that. So this went on for three days, and then at the end of three days then as soon as she understood that he had come down to ground level and become attracted by her, then she immediately said, "I have to go." Like that. So as soon as that, then he said, "Oh, who are you, how can I find you?" She said what her name is and where he can find her. I think that was the point "In three days I'll have you calling my name."
So then she went back to her place and these kind of prostitutes live in big forts with guards and this and that. Nobody gets in unless they look stinking rich. So then he goes there, poor, wretched brahmana, like this and that, and whatever, and goes in and, "Oh, I'd like to see this girl." And they are like... just thrashed him out on the street. So he was so much in anxiety and was going back and forth and walking and just calling her name. So then I don't know how much time went by, but very shortly after that then a messenger from the prostitute was sent and said that she would like to see you. Oh, he was so happy, he went and all that and so then he was escorted in. So then when he met her, he says, "You called for me?" So she says, "Yes, you know, you brought such a nice gift." He says, "Gift, what gift?" And she explained that this.. I think it was a solid gold waterpot, big waterpot, not a small one, but big waterpot, heavy waterpot. And then he was like, "Who? What is that? Waterpot? Gold?" And then she said, "Yes, yes, this man came and brought it and said that you sent it, this is a gift to her and that she should now spend time with him, she shouldn't neglect him because it seems that he is poor." So he says, "Who is this guy, what does he look like?" And she explained everything. And then he said, "Can I see the pot?" And then he saw the pot, and then everything clicked. The pot was the pot he used every day to bathe the Deity, and the person who delivered the pot was the Deity. So then that created the shock, he just immediately walked out and that was it, never thought of... So sometimes that kind of technique is used.
So that's the whole point, bhakti is the main thing, the morality is there to keep you focused on the right direction, that's the real purpose of all the rules and regulations. It's not something else.

(From Lectures on Manu Samhita, 15-23 January 2004, Bhaktivedanta Academy, Sri Mayapur Dhama)
(by courtesy of Madhavi Lata Devi Dasi)

Men and Women are Different

There is some propaganda that the reason why there has always been about 2/3 men and 1/3 women in the ISKCON society is because Prabhupada has always been perceived as being prejudiced against women by saying that they are less-intelligent. They say, "Why are you discriminating against women and saying they are less-intelligent when nowadays there are female senators, ambassadors, lawyers and company directors".
My approach is that everything Srila Prabhupada said is true. If he said something, it is a fact, from a transcendental perspective, not from a material perspective.
He even underwent great public criticism in 1975, when he was visiting Chicago. One TV crew came to interview him as a result of this statement being publicized. Everyone on that TV crew was female. The interviewer was a woman, the cameraperson was a woman and all the technical team were women. So they were trying to make a statement. They were thinking that now, by the force of their presence, they could make Prabhupada change his view. And then they challenged him, “Do you actually think that women are less-intelligent?” And Prabhupada said “Yes”. They said “Why are you discriminating against women?” And Prabhupada said, “I am not discriminating. Nature has discriminated.”
He did not concede that by doing these jobs women had attained equality, because this simply requires education. In other words, Prabhupada’s estimation of intelligence is different from what the ordinary calculation of intelligence means. Yes, some intelligence is needed to do all these different kinds of jobs–to be a politician, to be an ambassador, to be a senator, or to be in the legal profession or to be a business person etc. That requires a certain kind of intelligence. But that’s not the criteria that Prabhupada was using when he makes this comparison between the intelligence of men and women.
Prabhupada defines intelligence in the Bhagavad-gita: “Intelligence means the ability to discriminate between spirit and matter.” That is intelligence. This other, ordinary functioning, this is just education. You learn things on the strength of your memory, your experience, and you do things.
“Actually from our point of view, everybody is a spirit soul. So we are all equal from that point of view. But at the same time we recognize that there are differences in bodies. So we make some adjustment for that. That’s all."
“Men and women are different - why? Because a man can’t become pregnant and a woman does.” It seems like a simplistic statement but when you get right into the details it’s actually a sutra. It’s very, very meaningful. It means biologically there are differences.
When women get stressed out they sit down together and they talk, that’s all. They talk, and they talk, and they talk. You put a group of women together, they love to talk. Why do they love to talk? It’s because there are biological reasons why.
‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’, was written by John Gray, a practicing psychologist and psycho-therapist, after twenty years of practical experience. What’s the premise of it? That men and women are different. That this idea that men and women are all the same, it’s bogus. And the first example that he gives is that women like to talk and men like to fix things. That when a woman comes to a man when she is stressed out, she immediately wants to talk and the man listens and after a couple of minutes he says, "Well, why don’t you do this?” Or, “If you do that, then that will fix it". And then she yells at him, “You’re not listening to me!” Why? Because he’s trying to fix it, but she’s not, she just wants empathy, that’s all.
When women get together, they empathize with each other. It doesn’t matter what the problem is, they empathize with each other and then they all feel happy. It doesn’t matter if they don’t get a solution to the problem – they don’t want a solution to the problem in a lot of cases – they just want the release.
Whereas with men – testosterone inhibits the production of oxytocin. It stops it from being produced. That’s why when men sit and talk, they are not satisfied with just talk. They want solutions.
Men are introverted by nature and when a man goes into his ‘cave’ he should be allowed to stay there for some time, without being disturbed. When he comes out from his cave, then he will talk. So men and women are different and they should learn how to interact properly by understanding the differences in their natures. Men should be a bit more empathetic to their ladies when they want to talk - hear them, don’t try to fix things, just hear them that’s all, they want that release. And women should be a bit more respectful and not demand from the men that they sit and just talk when the man is actually in his cave, when he is in his more introspective or introverted period.
There is actually a new branch of medicine which is coming out that is gender-orientated. That some medicines work better for men than they do for women, and vice-versa; some medicines work better for women than they do for men. Although they are treating apparently the same disease, because there are some biological differences, the medicines don’t have the same effect.
So these are simple difference. But they also have implications in our understanding of how intelligence works. Because real intelligence as Prabhupada says, is the ability to discriminate between spirit and matter. To come to a solution. To fix the problems of material existence. To see that this material existence is one stressful situation after another.
How do you fix it? By discriminating between spirit and matter. By understanding that we are not this body, we are spirit souls. To find out what is beyond matter and then aim towards liberating yourself from the suffering of material existence.
So what Prabhupada was saying, is that the male’s biological and psychological structure is more suited to fixing those problems than the female's. The female has to actually battle against her own body and mind to be able to become detached. She has to fight against the ‘oxytocin’, fight against the ‘feel good’ reactions of her body and mind which don’t produce solutions. She has to fight against the tendency to just be happy in just talking and come to the platform of actually solving the problems. So women in general don’t like to do that. It is very difficult for them to become detached from the material world.
Srila Prabhupada however did say on quite a lot of occasions that "Yes, women are not as intelligent as men, but when a woman becomes a devotee, she becomes as intelligent as a man". That men and women in Krishna consciousness, their intelligence is the same. We are all handicapped by the fact that we have a material body. But still, if you take up Krishna consciousness seriously, then you have every chance, whether you are a man or a woman, of going back home, back to Godhead in this life if it is done seriously.
Hari Sauri Das